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The Sleepeasy Solution: The Exhausted Parent's Guide to Getting Your Child to Sleep from Birth to Age 5, by Jennifer Waldburger Jill Spivack
Ebook Download The Sleepeasy Solution: The Exhausted Parent's Guide to Getting Your Child to Sleep from Birth to Age 5, by Jennifer Waldburger Jill Spivack
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About the Author
Jennifer Waldburger, LCSW, is a trained psychotherapist and partner of Sleepy Planet, the preeminent parenting/sleep company in LA. She is a former writer and editor for Town & Country, Redbook, Good Housekeeping and Harper's Bazaar. Jill Spivack, LMSW, is a psychotherapist who worked as a pediatric sleep consultant who co-founded Sleepy Planet, Inc., in 1999. The two offer private sleep consultations for celebrity clients and others, standing-room only workshops and regular keynotes at Baby Expos with audiences of over 300. They have appeared on the CBS Evening News with Dan Rather, Inside Edition (feature piece) as well as in The Wall Street Journal and Fit Pregnancy.
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Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Excerpts from The Sleepeasy Solution No-Cry Versus Crying It Out Most parents wanting to make changes with their child's sleep have heard all the debates about allowing a child to cry. This has led to a lot of confusion. Some of the methods that promise "no-cry" solutions suggest to parents that their child wonÆt ever cry. The idea is that being ôgentler and more responsiveöùcontinuing to soothe your child by patting, picking her up, holding her hand, and the likeùmeans that she is less traumatized. Ironically, though, parents often report that the child still cries even while they continue to attend to her; all children protest change, and the way they let us know they don't like the change is to cry. As important as it is for parents to express love to children through physical touch, and as illogical as it may seem that doing so while helping a child learn to sleep is counterproductive, it is indeed the parent's touch that can exacerbate a child's frustration in this scenario. The result? The child often continues to struggle with sleep, usually for weeks or even months, because she is not being allowed to learn how to soothe herself. With older children, using touch can be especially detrimental, as it tempts them to continue testing limits with you, to keep pressing until you cave in and help them to sleep. WeÆve found that when using these kinds of "hands-on" methods, parents often give up on sleep learning because it takes so long to actually get better sleep that the process itself becomes exhausting. On the other end of the spectrum are the experts who suggest that the fastest way to help a child to sleep is to allow him to "cry it out" in other words, shutting the door and leaving your child completely alone, crying, for as long as it takes him to fall asleep. Also known as full extinction, this method actually does work, and sometimes quite quickly, although we have heard stories of children who have cried for as long as several hours at a stretch on the first night or two, perhaps bewildered and frightened because the usual helpers (namely, you) have disappeared. The idea of a child alone in the dark, crying inconsolably, doesnÆt sit right with most parents, and it doesn't sit right with us, either. It seems unnecessarily hard on both parents and child. We think experts on both ends of the spectrum are well intentioned, but we also believe that the so-called no-cry solutions focus too much on the parent's and child's emotions and not enough on the necessary conditions for learning, and that the extinction methods focus too much on the child's learning and not enough on the emotional side of sleep learning. This is how we arrived at what we call the "least-cry" approach. The "Least-Cry" Approach So if giving your child too much help makes her cry harder and longer, and giving her too little help makes parents (and possibly the child) feel uneasy and overwhelmed, what's left? Finding a balance between allowing your child to learn how to sleep, while lovingly supporting her in the process. Our recipe for successful sleep learning --meaning that children learn to sleep quickly with a minimum of crying--contains two important ingredients: 1. A simple, customized sleep plan that includes step-by-step instructions for scheduling, environmental changes, and helping children change their sleep behavior, and 2. Plenty of support around the emotional aspects of teaching a child to sleep (and some inevitable frustration), to help children continue to feel loved, and to help parents remain consistent as their child learns. Parents who use our methods usually report that their child begins to sleep through the night in less than five nights, because the child receives clear, consistent responses that shape behavior quickly, and because she feels your loving encouragement while she learns. In a matter of days, children learn that they don't need assistance from their parentsùwith a bit of practice they become expert sleepers, and the whole family finally begins to get the rest they need. Although there are other methods designed to offer parents a "middle-of-the-road" option, we haven't found any that help a child learn as quickly and minimize the crying as effectively as the techniques we use. We believe this is because we offer an equal balance of opportunities for behavioral learning and loving support that doesn't interfere with that learning. In this book, our aim is to give you exactly what a family would get if they were sitting in our office: our expertise, proper tools, and all the emotional support you need. We'll help you create an organized, fail-proof plan that ensures success--usually in less than five nights. At Sleepy Planet, we've met thousands of parents who are in exactly the same exhausted, barely functioning boat that you're in right now. Happily, your child's (and thus you and your spouse's) sleepless nights will soon feel like a quickly fading bad dream. So hang in there; help has finally arrived! (That would be us, and we're not leaving your side till your child's sleep is much improved. Promise.) There are seven main "sleep stealers" or reasons your child isn't sleeping well; she may be affected by one of them, by a combination of several, or if you've hit the jackpot, by all seven. SLEEP STEALER #1: No Consistent Bedtime Routine Though most parents know that a bedtime routine is a good idea, it can be hard to be consistent about doing it, either because there's too much to do before bed or because your child has so much energy that it's hard to slow her down. Nonetheless, a predictable wind-down routine is one of the most important tools your child needs to sleep well. There are several important components of a good bedtime routine: Physical activity should come before the routine. If Daddy likes to toss the baby in the air, or your toddler likes to streak naked through the living room, go for it! Just make sure you do these activities before the bath or bedtime routine, when you'll want to start slowing things down. The routine should last 15 to 60 minutes at nighttime, and about 10 to 15 minutes before a nap. The length of your routine will depend partly on the age of your child; a 5-month-old might gum a few pages of a board book, whereas an 18-month-old will enjoy at least one full story. Do your bedtime routine in the same room where your child will be sleeping. It's important that your child spend some time in this space with you, feeling comfortable and relaxed, so the transition into sleep will go smoothly. If you give your child a bath and help him change into PJs in his room, and then return to another part of the house with him for more play or activity, you'll lose the momentum of the wind-down process and will likely find that your child gets a "second wind." Do approximately the same activities each night or at nap time, in the same order. This is what will help your child develop sleep cues, so that over time just doing the routine makes your child sleepy. Wind-down activities can include: A bath A massage Dimming the lights Playing soft music Diaper change and putting on pjÆs Nursing, a bottle, or a cup of milk A book or song (or several of each) Playing quietly on the floor (no toys that beep or blink) With an older child, talking about your day together You get the idea. Have fun and be creative; just remember to keep it low-key. Once you've established a consistent routine, anyoneùsitter, grandparents, other familyùshould be able to do exactly what you do to put your child to sleep and have exactly the same results. Mom and Dad are then freed up for a night on the town. Imagine that! ©2007. Jennifer Waldburger, LCSW, and Jill Spivak, LMSW. All rights reserved. Reprinted from The Sleepeasy Solution: The Exhausted Parent's Guide to Getting Your Child to Sleep from Birth to Age 5. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, without the written permission of the publisher. Publisher: Health Communications, Inc., 3201 SW 15th Street , Deerfield Beach , FL 33442.
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Product details
Paperback: 314 pages
Publisher: Health Communications Inc; 13544th edition (April 1, 2007)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 9780757305603
ISBN-13: 978-0757305603
ASIN: 0757305601
Product Dimensions:
6 x 0.8 x 9 inches
Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.5 out of 5 stars
838 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#5,628 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
This book is fantastic! I feel like a completely new person now that my 4 month old is sleeping through the night. It only took a few days to really see results. I actually went from co-sleeping with my daughter in our bed (which I never intending on doing!) to having my daughter sleep in her crib alone by using the strategies in this book. I read several books to help your baby sleep through the night and this one really resonated with me for a few different reasons. One, I don't feel like I'm being cruel or abandoning my baby since I do check-ins and was able to quickly see that she was making progress within just a couple days. Also, some other books were quick to sleep train in 6-8 weeks which I felt was insanely early. The way the book is written was super easy to understand and follow and they even tell you in the beginning what page to turn to if you want to jump right in! It's been 6 days since we started and tonight my daughter went to sleep without crying at all. I've also noticed that she's happy and more alert now that she's getting a great sleep every night (and so am I!). I am exclusively breastfeeding and I tried the night weaning strategy they offer as well and slowly decreased her eating time by two minutes each night. Last night was the first night she was supposed to be completely weaned and I was shocked when I woke up this morning and saw that she slept the light the night and that I actually got a full night's sleep for the first time in months. If you're at your breaking point, I would urge you to get this book. Yes, your baby will cry, but after a few days you will be able to give them the wonderful gift of a good night's sleep and a well-rested parent. As a side note, I feel like everyone is entitled to their opinion of whether or not they would let their kid cry it out and I fully support every parent's decision to decide what works best for their family. But I will say that after looking at reviews for this book, I noticed that all of the negative reviews I found came from people who didn't even try the strategies in the book, but just saw that it involved letting your child self-soothe and disagreed with this, so they gave it 1 star. I definitely haven't read all the reviews, but I never found anyone who said they tried the sleep strategies in the book and still has a screaming/crying kid after a week. So... IT WORKS!!! It might be a little hard to hear your child cry for a few nights, but I'm telling you that it's worth it! And when I was listening to her cry, I would actually jump on Amazon and read some reviews from parents who had been successful using this book and it really helped. This is the first review on Amazon that I have ever written, (and I am a crazy Amazon shopper!!) but I am so thrilled with the results that I couldn't NOT leave a review. Buy this for yourself and every mom/dad friend you know!
Our 7-month old attachment baby stopped sleeping well at 3 months (due to early teething pain, sleep “regressionsâ€, developmental milestones, etc.). I read lots of books (The No-Cry Sleep Solution, The Natural Sleep Solution, Dr. Sears Baby Book sections on ‘nighttime parenting’, this book), book reviews, many websites, and watched many YouTube videos on what worked for other people. We tried many, many ‘passive’ techniques (tank up with solids/nurse during the day and soon before bedtime, keep a consistent bedtime routine, lots of naps during the day following “The Natural Sleep Solution†book recommendations, wear her down in baby carrier, introduce a lovey, lots of stimulation during day/walks or outings when we can in winter, place her in a swing/glider swing/vibrating bouncer chair, use white noise machines, have good air circulation/appropriate room temperature, dress in all cotton clothing, use light darkening shades, rock in our arms in a gliding rocking chair, nurse). Yet, the MOMENT we transferred her into her crib she would wake up, flip out, and we’d have to start all over again. After a few hours of this, she would finally go down but continue to wake nearly every hour or hour and a half during the night. We also tried more ‘active’ techniques (lay down in our bed next to her crib (attached to our bed in a ‘sidecar’ arrangement), give her our pinkie finger (she refuses a pacifier), rubbing/patting her back, shushing, verbally soothing, picking her up/putting her down, slowly moving further from the crib towards the door, etc. These ‘active’ methods made her more upset. Basically, we became so sleep deprived after 3 months that it was unsafe/unhealthy for us as individuals and as parents.At around 6 months, we ended up bed-sharing (previously had used an Arm’s Reach co-sleeper and a sidecar crib arrangement once she grew out of that). There are lots of resources about how to do it safely despite the downsides (I had to go to “bed†when she did between at 7pm and even when exhausted it was hard to shut off my brain so early, if I got up at all during night she would wake up and freak out, my back would get sore in one position in an effort to not move and disturb her, I couldn't change positions to get comfortable, she woke up more often to nurse frequently which woke me up/strained my back more). Even with co-sleeping, it still literally took hours to get her down initially. Even with these issues that we were willing to work with, the bigger problem was daytime naps, which are tightly related to nighttime sleeping. Previously, she only napped in our arms (swaddled) while being rocked. My husband (who works half time from home and watches her basically full time) literally spent half his day holding/rocking her. Which is great to some extent - he loves being with her - but he couldn’t get any work done and was stressed all the time about deadlines. In addition, she seemed to be getting uncomfortable always napping on one of us since she woke up a lot, fussed going down even in our arms, and didn’t seem to be getting enough sleep (even with 4 naps a day). She was tired all the time even after just waking from a nap. We needed to make a change. Since a lot of development happens while babies sleep, we knew she needed to get more than she was getting and we had pretty much exhausted all other methods that I thought would work.As I mentioned above, I had researched all the ‘sleep training’ methods since every baby is different and there are literally a million ways to help your baby soothe her/himself. We tried mixing active methods together (pick up/put down, fading) that we felt comfortable with, but nothing worked (i.e., that minimized her crying and helped her fall asleep) until we implemented the strategies in the Sleep Easy Solution. I reiterate that we are attachment parents, and adhere most of the recommendations by Dr. Sears. We both work from home and so we are the primary caretakers of our child; one of us is always taking care of her. I was heartbroken when we realized sleep was going to be an issue. I was inconsolable the first time we tried other active methods and was depressed thinking about doing anything more. But it became clear that our health and her development was suffering since she wasn’t getting the sleep she desperately needed and she was getting frustrated she didn’t know how to soothe herself. This book claims a “Least Cry†method, as opposed to the full on ‘Cry it Out’ aka full extinction method, and even thought I was VERY skeptical at first, I now agree.We tackled nighttime sleeping first. Since we have only 1 bedroom, one thing that was key for us to create some distance (even just visibly) between us and her so she didn’t get upset when she saw us and we weren’t actively soothing her. So I recommend using some sort of room divider or something so the baby feels safe in their own space. After our bedroom was set up, our strategy was to: do our regular nighttime routine (bath —> change into PJs —> wear in baby carrier while shutting off lights/saying goodnight to things/singing —> nurse —> rock and sing) and put down in crib (takes about 30-40 minutes). We felt like rocking was still ok because that’s always been a sleep cue for her since birth and a lot of other routines amp her up (we cannot do a bedtime story for that reason). We followed the recommendations in this book (and our ped doc) and decided on check intervals to verbally soothe her at 5, 10, and 15 minutes and then every 15 minutes until she fell asleep.After our bedtime routine my husband laid her in the crib and said his verbal soothes. My husband did all the checks because I felt she would get more fussy seeing me and not getting some more soothing/soothing, (it’s too overwhelming for the baby if both partners do the checks). He used a soothing/calm/relaxed voice and always said the same things. She cried for the first 15 minutes (harder immediately after he left the room), but after the first two checks (so, during the first 15 minute stretch), she quieted down and was asleep by the time my husband went in for the 15 minute check. We got her up to feed her right before we went to bed around 11:00pm. THAT FIRST NIGHT, she slept through the night. The second night she fussed for 10 minutes, and the third night she fussed for two. Now she usually fusses for about 30 seconds before falling asleep, and sometimes she doesn’t fuss at all. I was absolutely convinced this process would be a lot harder for her, given her sleeping routine since birth, and was pleasantly surprised that it didn’t. I know there are no “quick fixes†and there will be ups and downs, but after 3 nights she was basically soothing herself (with some hiccups), we are all sleeping through the night, and generally everyone is much happier and healthier. We are able to enjoy our awake times with our daughter more. We no longer dread the evening.Naps (like the book admits) are much harder to work out than nighttime sleeping. I appreciated that this book discussed nighttime sleeping AND daytime naps. If we time a nap right, she only fusses for about 2 minutes and sometimes not at all, but she can fuss anywhere from 2 minutes to 10 minutes. She sometimes wakes up in the middle of a nap, fusses, and falls back asleep. Currently we are on day 6 of naps, and some days are great and some days are less than great. But she is sleeping more soundly, for longer durations, than she ever did in our arms. So, it’s a work in progress.The methods in this book worked for us, and I do recommend it.
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